By Georgie Gurl
There’s a change in the air here in Jurassic Park. It’s not as thick and sticky as it was a week ago, a steady breeze has been helping to keep the mosquito squadron grounded and the pink cotton candy sunsets are happening earlier every night.
But there have also been some other, more unsettling changes in the hood. Odd, menacing creatures have moved into some of our neighbors’ yards and my humans seem oblivious to their presence.
On our walk tonight, for instance, we encountered two homicidal maniacs. One of them, a yellow man with Da Vinci Veneers, no neck and unflattering glasses, was carrying the head of a small orange person he must have decapitated moments before. Ack! And his accomplice, a lumpy white man with a large orange nose and buck teeth, was waving his stick hand at us, trying to lure us into their trap.
It was a horrid scene, I tell you, and I had to do some fast thinking. At first I growled at them to see if they would stand down — but no such luck. These guys meant business. At that point, I turned around, tucked my tail between my butt cheeks and took off running in the other direction. “Georgie, SLOW DOWN!” the human yelled as I pulled her down the street with all my might. SLOW DOWN? SERIOUSLY? SPEED UP YOU LAZY WOMAN! CAN’T YOU SEE WE ARE ABOUT TO LOSE OUR HEADS?
Fortunately, I got her away from the maniacs, but as we whizzed down the street, I noted numerous other disturbing items: skeletal remains, rotted pumpkins, spooky gravestones and trees strewn with cobwebs. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO MY TRANQUIL JURASSIC PARK?
Noticing my fright, the human giggled as she always does when she is nervous and told me to “relax” — and that there was a perfectly logical explanation for it all. “Georgie, those are just Halloween decorations. They’re supposed to be scary. It’s all part of the fun,” she said.
Ummmm. Ok, you human weirdo.
At that moment, I made a decision. If scaring the bejesus out of cute little puppies is her idea of “fun,” I am going to give her a run for her money.
So that’s where you come in, my dear faithful readers. My humans don’t know it yet, but I’ve been working on Halloween costumes all day. I just need you to tell me which one you think will frighten them the most.
First off, is Georgie The Alligator. GET IN MY JAWS! I WILL EAT YOU!! BAHAHAHA!
Then, there’s Georgie The Intense Coyote! Hello, my pretty! Bring me your pets! I will eat them as snacks and maybe gnaw off your leg while I am at it! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And last but not least, Georgie The Creepy Clown. Like my makeup? Well, I ain’t your neighborhood Avon Lady, suckers!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Vote on your favorite costumes now and let’s see who gets the last laugh on Oct. 31.
Trick or Treat! BAHAHAHAHA!