By George Gurl
JURASSIC PARK—Truth is, I wasn’t feeling tremendously eloquent today. Maybe it’s because summer has been hanging on too long, and I’m over the sticky Florida heat. Maybe it’s because it’s been a long week and I’m TGIF-ing. I mean, who can focus after 3 o’clock on a Friday? Maybe my paws are just too tired to type. I dunno. Whatever it is, I decided to take the easy route and throw together my very own Top Something Or Other List. So here it is, folks: the top five, most AMAZING, REMARKABLE, GREATEST things in the world.
Oh shoes. How I love thee. So stinky and soft and utterly chewable. My humans discourage the chewing and people-pleaser that I am, I don’t want to disappoint them, so I just gather them up and innocently lie next to them. “Look at Georgie,” they say. “She just loves her shoes.” And I do, but sometimes, when they’re not looking, I nibble a little.
Y’all probably will think I’m spoiled when I share this bit of info: I have my own swimming pool. It’s big and blue and there’s a terrified octopus that lives in the bottom, who I WILL catch someday. Remember how I mentioned that it’s grotesquely hot here in Florida? Well, it’s not half as bad when you can romp around in a pool.
3. Water Bottles
My humans will say, “Oh, look at that Georgie. So good about her recycling.” But the truth is, water bottles are just amazing, crunchy, crackly fun—and they’re everywhere. I can’t explain that feeling when I’m just strolling down the sidewalk and BAM… there it is.. another crinkly, Zephyrhills spring water bottle that fits *just* right between my powerful canine jaws.
2. Lamb Chop
Wow. We’re getting near the end of the list. So that’s me and my girl, Lamb Chop, on the right. I think the human equivalent is what you would call a “bestie.” Only since Lamb Chop and I can’t text, we look out the window and snuggle and just generally find comfort in each other’s presence. Sometimes, if I’ve had a particularly taxing day, I’ll suck on her ear quietly while my humans watch TV. She never complains — and I carry her with me everywhere. She even went to my hysterectomy last month.
Everyone needs a Lamb Chop.
1. A Warm Lap
And finally, we find ourselves here at number one, the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the most wonderful thing of all: the human lap. I pride myself on being a pretty independent dog. I’m not big into being carried around, I sleep comfortably in my own crate and I only tolerate the leash because I’ve been trained to. But even the toughest broads need some nurturing sometimes, and I can verify 100% that there’s nothing like a human lap. I’ll let you in on a little secret too. Recently, I overheard one of my humans say I’m getting too big to be a lapdog and that made me giggle a little. Silly humans. There’s just some things you never outgrow.