The Top Five Most Amazing, Remarkable, Greatest Things in the World

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By George Gurl

JURASSIC PARK—Truth is, I wasn’t feeling tremendously eloquent today. Maybe it’s because summer has been hanging on too long, and I’m over the sticky Florida heat. Maybe it’s because it’s been a long week and I’m TGIF-ing. I mean, who can focus after 3 o’clock on a Friday? Maybe my paws are just too tired to type. I dunno. Whatever it is, I decided to take the easy route and throw together my very own Top Something Or Other List. So here it is, folks: the top five, most AMAZING, REMARKABLE, GREATEST things in the world.

5. Shoes

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Oh shoes. How I love thee. So stinky and soft and utterly chewable. My humans discourage the chewing and people-pleaser that I am, I don’t want to disappoint them, so I just gather them up and innocently lie next to them. “Look at Georgie,” they say. “She just loves her shoes.” And I do, but sometimes, when they’re not looking, I nibble a little.

4. Swimming

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Y’all probably will think I’m spoiled when I share this bit of info: I have my own swimming pool. It’s big and blue and there’s a terrified octopus that lives in the bottom, who I WILL catch someday. Remember how I mentioned that it’s grotesquely hot here in Florida? Well, it’s not half as bad when you can romp around in a pool.

3. Water Bottles

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My humans will say, “Oh, look at that Georgie. So good about her recycling.” But the truth is, water bottles are just amazing, crunchy, crackly fun—and they’re everywhere. I can’t explain that feeling when I’m just strolling down the sidewalk and BAM… there it is.. another crinkly, Zephyrhills spring water bottle that fits *just* right between my powerful canine jaws.

2. Lamb Chop

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Wow. We’re getting near the end of the list. So that’s me and my girl, Lamb Chop, on the right. I think the human equivalent is what you would call a “bestie.” Only since Lamb Chop and I can’t text, we look out the window and snuggle and just generally find comfort in each other’s presence. Sometimes, if I’ve had a particularly taxing day, I’ll suck on her ear quietly while my humans watch TV. She never complains — and I carry her with me everywhere. She even went to my hysterectomy last month.

Everyone needs a Lamb Chop.

1. A Warm Lap

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And finally, we find ourselves here at number one, the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the most wonderful thing of all: the human lap. I pride myself on being a pretty independent dog. I’m not big into being carried around, I sleep comfortably in my own crate and I only tolerate the leash because I’ve been trained to. But even the toughest broads need some nurturing sometimes, and I can verify 100% that there’s nothing like a human lap. I’ll let you in on a little secret too. Recently, I overheard one of my humans say I’m getting too big to be a lapdog and that made me giggle a little. Silly humans. There’s just some things you never outgrow.

Growing Pains

IMG_7998 (1)Like most dogs, I like routine — and my daily routine goes something like this: Get up and get a long tummy rub from my human while I stretch and yawn. Walk around the hood and check out all the fantastic smells. Get a “Good Girl” cookie when I return home and do my little cookie dance, because nothing tastes better than the first treat of the day. Then, I jump up on my leather chair and keep watch on the postal carriers, sandhill cranes and mommies walking their kids while my human types away at her keyboard and sips her coffee.

It’s nothing spectacular, my morning routine, but it’s MY routine and it sort of keeps me grounded.

Only this morning, it didn’t quite go like that. I mean, I got my tummy rub and walk and stuff — and the cookie was lovely, as always. But when I jumped up into my viewing station, my usual perfect landing turned into a sloppy tumble off the edge and I realized I was stuck. Ack!

I hoped my human wouldn’t notice the embarrassing predicament, so I stood very still and rested my  head on the soft leather cushion. I’ve heard that if you stand very still, sometimes, you can actually disappear. Poof! Like David Blaine. But of course, she noticed, and giggled and boosted my rear back into my seat. I wasn’t sure what she thought was so funny about it. It wasn’t funny to me: A shrinking seat. A tumble. A ruined morning.

Anyway, I must have looked pathetic, because then she patted my head and told me something absolutely amazing. “Georgie, it’s okay. Your seat didn’t shrink. You’re growing, sweet girl.”

Huh? Growing? Me? Really?

I honestly hadn’t even considered the possibility — but then I thought about it. During our car ride yesterday, the view was better than ever before. Normally, I just see the treetops whizzing by in a dizzying blur, but yesterday I saw other cars and buildings! And then there was that wrestling session with my buddy, Ivy, night before last. I didn’t have to stand on my tip-toes to get a good grip on her. We were practically eye-to-eye. And there was also that fine moment last night, when I surprised everyone and leapt like a leopard right into the giant human bed. Wow! This growing thing might not be so bad after all.

After the revelation, my human and I headed out into the yard for a quick romp and enjoyed the warm Florida sunshine on my face. And when we headed back in, I leapt more carefully into my viewing station and didn’t slide off this time. Not every tumble, I realized, is a disaster. Sometimes, it just means you’re growing.